This Secret of Mine

I’ve got a secret, but I can’t tell you because if I did it wouldn’t be a secret any longer. Why did I even tell you that I have a secret, is it because I want to tell you what it is? That I’m nearly about to burst because I find it hard to hold my tongue? Or is t because I enjoy feeling that I have something over you, something of importance. Maybe not to you in particular, but to someone, somewhere. I can’t tell if it’s that which makes me feel important or the fact the I know something that isn’t common to everyone else. Maybe it’s both. Maybe one more than the other in some percentage that’s not 50/50 or maybe it is, right down the middle, even Steven. 
I wish you knew what I knew. So badly I want you to know what it is in here…right here…in my little brain. But I don’t want for you just to know, I want to be the one to tell you. But I can’t, and that’s the stink of it all. If I let myself tell you, then I lose the secret…my part of the secret anyway. 
This would be much easier if you were a mind reader or something. Then you’d know without me telling you. That would work. But you’re not a mind reader. You’re a person just like me, well not just like me. You don’t have my secret do you. Nope, you don’t. 
Honestly I don’t think you would want it anyway, it might drive you crazy to hold onto something this important and not be able to share it with anybody, I don’t think you could handle it as good as me. And you’d probably tell the first person who asked how you day was. Then shooosh! No more secret. 
I wonder how long it will be before I get to share my secret with whom ever I want? It’s not something I’d want to take all the way to my death bed, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it then. Maybe in 10 years or so, could be even 20 or 25. 
That’s not too long, not quite a whole life time long. I wonder what I’ll be doing then, at that exact moment. I wonder if I will accidentally forget about it? I don’t want to forget about it, that would be like never knowing it existed in the first place. Id be just like everybody else. Plain and regular. 
You are so lucky that you do not have this burden laid upon you. I don’t think you’d be able to handle it like me. It’s not like it’s fun or anything. It’s….its….its really like….well, it’s kinda like….wait. What were we taking about again?

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